The Mad Scorpion

19.

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IT'S JUST (AAAH) A LITTLE CRUSH (CRUSH).

Another week in paradise. I made a vow to myself to start going out more and make some new friends around this place. However, "going out" around here pretty much involves only one pub.

Where "busy" in the afternoon means four or five customers. Much like my workplace actually, but I digress. Quite often the local homo publican is sitting around with a few homo friends, usually old men, who have all decided that I'm a choice piece of ass (literally) and gush over me embarassingly. I know I sound conceited when I say this, but what can I say, It's true. This is uncomfortable for many reasons - not least of which is the fact that they're all ugly and old and completely out of MY league (hehe).

Secondly - and I can't believe what's happened as I write this but I'll get there in a sec - I have a ridiculously schoolboyish crush on the barmaid. I find myself going there more and more often just to see if she's there. And even when she is, I can't talk to her much. This was made especially awkward after last week when my cousin's father-in-law and I were at the bar having a drink. Because he's there Often, he knows them all quite well. When I had a chance, I asked him if said barmaid was single. "Yeah, she's just broken up with her boyfriend, why, are you interested in her?"

"Hell yes."

"HEY! BARMAID!* (not her real name) MAD SCORPION'S INTERESTED IN YOU."

At this point everyone in range, including all three of the other bar staff, stop and stare, and said barmaid goes red. I can literally feel any chance I may have had come crumbling down around me. The other guy behind the bar just looks at me - we are both thinking the same thing. If there was ever going to be a game, it's Game Over.

"Gee. Cheers Tim. Thanks... thanks.. heaps."

It's all in good fun. Slash slightly mortifying.

Hence, I've been going in more since that day a week ago, just so the both of us are forced to get over the embarassment.

But, gentle readers, the amazing thing I can't believe as I type this, is that said Barmaid has walked into the library and sat down just in front of me the minute I started to write this story...

Right This Second she is sitting her gorgeous self down on the couch while I try to smother the grin that won't go away and pretend I'm NOT writing about her... This is especially weird as I have NEVER, not once, Ever seen her in the library before. Hmm, the universe might just be working for me here. I have asked it for a nudge, and I have been very, VERY positively visualising her lately...

The problem is, you never quite know, when you're a patron and they're a Paid Employee, wether they really do like you, or they're just being nice 'cause they have to. I'd better start stalking her. And visualising us drunk together at a party...

I really should grow some balls and just talk to her now while we're in a tad less public glare. Although it is really quiet in here today and I don't fancy whispering to her. That would just be creepy. Dang, she really is hot. No, I'm going to have to take my time on this one.

Wow, she's even got pink toenails...

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LOST:

Lost is back, Lost is back, Lost is back, SO excited, SO excited, SO excited.

Looks like the gimmick for this season is not flashbacks, not flashforwards, but flash sideways - alternative timelines goin on. I like I like I like!

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DOCTOR WHO - DEAD TIMES TEN:

David Tennant's Tenth Doctor died on New Zealand television screens this week. I liked this Doctor alot, but to be honest, his last adventure was so milked for everything it was worth - everybody's facial expressions were taut and emphasised, the dialogue was deep fried cheese pizza (thanks Greg), and the sweeping BBC Orchestral soundtrack didn't help matters. It was so over-the-top on every level, that by the end, I was praying for him to die. 'Hurry up and get on with it'. It was good to see poor poor dumbed-down Donna and poor poor pre-Doctor adventures Rose again though.

I'm looking forward to Eleventh Doctor adventures. And I'm especially looking forward to seeing how they plan to get around his supposedly final thirteenth regeneration so they can carry on the franchise. There's no way they'll kill Doctor Who for good... will they???

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THE SIMPLE PHOTO UPLOADER ON FACEBOOK:

Ugh. Hating it.

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MY COUSIN RENATA:

My cousin Renata and I are two weeks apart in age. We - and I mean All of us as cousins - are a tight knit bunch, and Renata and I refer to ourselves as the Middle-Men. This is in reference to our place on the age scale. There were Two Waves of us cousins, and we are in the middle of the first wave. He lives in Sydney these days and was home recently over the festive season. We always have a great time when he's back, and it always sucks arse when he leaves.

Anyway, Ren had a heart attack last week whilst palying rugby. He actually died for four minutes on the field, but they managed to resuscitate him. He died again twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. It turns out that Ren, who is one of the fittest of the ALL of us, who doesn't smoke, who keeps fit, who plays sports, who lives a relatively healthy lifestyle (much more so than say, for example, Me) had two blocked arteries. At 32! He gets out of hospital today, a week after the incident, and is off work for a month while he does rehab...

This news rattled us all to the core. Not least because Renata was the least likely candidate for one of us to drop dead - we have asthmatics and dieabetes sufferers, who BOTH smoke and drink alot. For a brief moment in time we had to consider the possibility that Renata was almost no longer with us. I can tell you now that probably my entire family would have fallen apart at this shock. And that's 60 odd people out for the count whilst trying to organise a tangi for hundreds more.

At this age we get paranoid about other people dying, particularly our children, or our parents. Unless they're sick, we hardly ever face the possibility that one of our peers, someone our own age, might not be around anymore.

I can only imagine what a mortality check it was for Renata.

I'm (for want of a better word) dying to see if he had an afterlife experience. Hopefully his uncle, or our one and only dead cousin, kicked his ass and told him to get back down here cause it wasn't his time yet.

It's cheese pizza, but lets take a moment to be grateful for our lives, and the lives of our treasured. Aaaaaw.

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