13.
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CHRISTMAS CHOICES:
Families are an interesting thing. Unlike friends, you don’t make and choose them. They’re blood, and that means, usually, you’re pretty much bound for life. I have a very large whanau, but I’m very much an only child. I have two half brothers and two half sisters, but I grew up alone with a solo mother. So I’m an only child who’s now the eldest of five. I have not one but two father figures, both of whom have little to do with me and neither of which I strive to emulate. They both have good qualities, don’t get me wrong, but for every good experience with them there are ten kick-in-the-guts ones.
The people with whom I most relate to, and spend a lot of time with these days, are my cousins. As cousins who spent a lot of time together growing up, we are pretty much like a large brood of brothers and sisters. Like, but not. Cousins hang out, but no-one backs you up and shares your life like a brother or sister. So even when I am with a large group of them, I am still alone.
Now, it’s fairly normal for people, when they have a few drinks, to start joking around with one another, maybe taking the piss a little bit. We certainly do that. But last night, as I was at another shed party for my cousins 21st, I began to get déjà vu as I tried to evaluate my surrounding situation. The familiar experience that was unfolding were certain cousins sitting around playing “subtle” mind games. Jibes that seem harmless enough, stuff you can’t really even point out specifically, but is cruel, and juvenile, and relentless.
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CHRISTMAS CHOICES:
Families are an interesting thing. Unlike friends, you don’t make and choose them. They’re blood, and that means, usually, you’re pretty much bound for life. I have a very large whanau, but I’m very much an only child. I have two half brothers and two half sisters, but I grew up alone with a solo mother. So I’m an only child who’s now the eldest of five. I have not one but two father figures, both of whom have little to do with me and neither of which I strive to emulate. They both have good qualities, don’t get me wrong, but for every good experience with them there are ten kick-in-the-guts ones.
The people with whom I most relate to, and spend a lot of time with these days, are my cousins. As cousins who spent a lot of time together growing up, we are pretty much like a large brood of brothers and sisters. Like, but not. Cousins hang out, but no-one backs you up and shares your life like a brother or sister. So even when I am with a large group of them, I am still alone.
Now, it’s fairly normal for people, when they have a few drinks, to start joking around with one another, maybe taking the piss a little bit. We certainly do that. But last night, as I was at another shed party for my cousins 21st, I began to get déjà vu as I tried to evaluate my surrounding situation. The familiar experience that was unfolding were certain cousins sitting around playing “subtle” mind games. Jibes that seem harmless enough, stuff you can’t really even point out specifically, but is cruel, and juvenile, and relentless.
As I sat in my ponderous state wondering yet again if this was actually going down, and what the hell certain people’s problem is, another cousin next to me said she was going to leave, and I decided it was probably a good time for me to leave to. No point in suffering through an uncomfortable situation with people who are willing to use you as their whipping boy, even if it is just in your head. Bare in mind, I say this is a familiar situation because at least once over the holiday period for almost every year of my life, I usually come away from hanging with my cousins feeling a bit head fucked from their mental slayings for entertainment, then usually just hole up til I’m feeling strong enough to face them with an Everything’s Sweet And Nothing Happened attitude.
And then, a Revelation.
As I stood up to leave a member of the whanau goes “Sick of being picked on ay?”.
And then, a Revelation.
As I stood up to leave a member of the whanau goes “Sick of being picked on ay?”.
I said “Yeah, pretty much. And thanks for saying that!” Then I left, feeling great.
My other cousin, as we’re walking out, asks “Fuck cuz, I just felt like I was getting shit. I was feeling too paranoid so I had to leave.”
My other cousin, as we’re walking out, asks “Fuck cuz, I just felt like I was getting shit. I was feeling too paranoid so I had to leave.”
I said “It wasn’t just you cuz, don’t worry. Everything you thought was happening was.”
I had someone else outside my head validate my reality, and suddenly I felt very Free. It wasn’t just me after all, and some people are just bitches for the sake of it and cause it makes them laugh.
And I would be a FOOL to suffer through another Christmas of that crap.
That said, I am SO doing whatever the hell I want this year. Fuck obligation.
Be that taking off to hang with friends, or staying home with a movie and chocolate.
I figure the best present I can give myself this christmas – aside from the t-shirt I got that says ‘Sex, Drugs, & Sausage Rolls’ – is the choice to stay away from situations that are gonna make me feel like shit.
Don’t you agree?
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SECRETS:
Don’t ya love ‘em?
Holding that knowledge that could potentially fuck over people’s lives??
It’s a big responsibility.
.
CARTERTON WAS ON THE NEWS RECENTLY:
Because somebody had done a flyer drop down a street alleging one of its residents – an 82 year old man, I think, from memory – is a confirmed peadophile. Apparently there were hundreds just dumped and floating in the wind down the street.
The news article itself was angled from the alleged offenders’ irate children, and the mayor thinking it was rather gutless of the accusers to not own up to their actions.
It seems that this is an unsubstantiated accusation, and if that’s the case then I really do feel sorry for him and his family. That would Suck.
But I have to say, if it isn’t bullshit, then I’m glad someone is doing something about it.
Silence is not always golden.
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‘FREE RADIO’:
Is a great show. It’s about a radio show called ‘Moron in the Morning’, and it’s great. Watch it.
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CHRISTMAS SHOPPING:
Having still not bought a single present for my family and friends, I have to do this mission tomorrow. On the 24th of December. Gee, that won’t be hard or overpopulated or anything… Why does it always seem like such pain to buy people presents?
I think I just don’t like to choose. I’m an efficiency guy. I like to know what I’m getting, get in the shop, get my shit, and get out of the shop. I DON’T like going into a shop having no idea what I want – worse, what other people want – and having to trawl around going through every shelf, every rack, every box in the shop to try and find something, whilst trying to avoid people you can’t be arsed talking to. UGH.
I had someone else outside my head validate my reality, and suddenly I felt very Free. It wasn’t just me after all, and some people are just bitches for the sake of it and cause it makes them laugh.
And I would be a FOOL to suffer through another Christmas of that crap.
That said, I am SO doing whatever the hell I want this year. Fuck obligation.
Be that taking off to hang with friends, or staying home with a movie and chocolate.
I figure the best present I can give myself this christmas – aside from the t-shirt I got that says ‘Sex, Drugs, & Sausage Rolls’ – is the choice to stay away from situations that are gonna make me feel like shit.
Don’t you agree?
.
SECRETS:
Don’t ya love ‘em?
Holding that knowledge that could potentially fuck over people’s lives??
It’s a big responsibility.
.
CARTERTON WAS ON THE NEWS RECENTLY:
Because somebody had done a flyer drop down a street alleging one of its residents – an 82 year old man, I think, from memory – is a confirmed peadophile. Apparently there were hundreds just dumped and floating in the wind down the street.
The news article itself was angled from the alleged offenders’ irate children, and the mayor thinking it was rather gutless of the accusers to not own up to their actions.
It seems that this is an unsubstantiated accusation, and if that’s the case then I really do feel sorry for him and his family. That would Suck.
But I have to say, if it isn’t bullshit, then I’m glad someone is doing something about it.
Silence is not always golden.
.
‘FREE RADIO’:
Is a great show. It’s about a radio show called ‘Moron in the Morning’, and it’s great. Watch it.
.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING:
Having still not bought a single present for my family and friends, I have to do this mission tomorrow. On the 24th of December. Gee, that won’t be hard or overpopulated or anything… Why does it always seem like such pain to buy people presents?
I think I just don’t like to choose. I’m an efficiency guy. I like to know what I’m getting, get in the shop, get my shit, and get out of the shop. I DON’T like going into a shop having no idea what I want – worse, what other people want – and having to trawl around going through every shelf, every rack, every box in the shop to try and find something, whilst trying to avoid people you can’t be arsed talking to. UGH.
You know what happens when I try to do that? My body revolts and usually around five minutes into the arduous task, I find myself needing to go to the toilet and having to leave. Sigh.
And my mother just vetoed my idea of just bringing a pile of scratchies to the Christmas table. UGH. Now I have to be creative and thoughtful, dammit.
.
And my mother just vetoed my idea of just bringing a pile of scratchies to the Christmas table. UGH. Now I have to be creative and thoughtful, dammit.
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