I’m afraid I might have foot in mouth disease this week.
The other day I ran into an old friend who was recently married. We began talking about a mutual friend (who had just been over for the wedding of the friend I was now talking to), and I brought up another friends upcoming wedding, and how our mutual friend was coming back over from Oz for it, and then I said something like “Yeah, I’m going to that wedding!” meaning it in an excited, I-can’t-wait-to-go way, but realising as I said it that it probably came across as “I got invited to that wedding”. That wasn’t so good, I hope she didn’t think that, though it might explain the reason she was suddenly in a hurry…
The very next day I am chatting online (wow, nothing about ‘chatting online’ should look Retro… and yet…) with another old friend. The subject of parenting and Nannies came up. I can’t remember the exact details but I think there was a miscommunication in there somewhere. I answered a paragraph without properly reading it, and then after my answer about Ladies Of Leisure usually becoming alcoholics I realised my speel had nothing whatsoever to do with what she’d just said, and I was a couple sentences behind in the conversation and had missed out a vital part of my sentence anyway… ugh. Crap.
The point I was trying to make old friend (you know who you are) was that well-to-do Ladies Of Leisure who let nannies raise their kids usually become alcoholics, which was what she was scared she’d become etc.
Hope that clears things up.
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THE ALL WHITES:
So… when exactly did Soccer become a matter of national pride? I missed that. Although I’d guess only about two, three years ago, tops.
Not that I’m not glad. It’s nice that as a country we can embrace the sport the mainstream consciousness has been spitting on for as long rugby balls have been oval. Here’s to Hypocrisy!
No, seriously, go the All Whites.
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THE HILLS:
Heidi went home to see her mother for the first time since having most of her body reworked by plastic surgery. From what I could gather it had been a couple of months since her surgery, but she still couldn’t really, like, eat properly, or move her jaw much, and no, those staples at the edges of her forehead aren’t coming out, and no, her frozen-in-surprise browline isn’t coming down anytime soon…
Her mother was visibly shocked and disturbed by her daughters’ new appearance, and, believing her daughter was strong enough post-surgery and staunch enough about her decision, basically took the piss out of her.
Out for dinner, a huge hamburger pattie is on Heidi’s plate, and Heidi can’t really eat it.
“Are you ok there?” asks her Mother, clearly reveling in the fact that her daughter is suffering for her new beauty.
“I can’t really eat it,” says Heidi, clearly hating to have to admit that but obviously thinking she’s in safe hands admitting that to her mother.
“Huh… Would you like me to put that in a blender for you?” asks Mum, looking like she’s trying not to laugh.
The Brother and Sister and Stepfather, btw, are sitting around also, just watching the perverse freakshow with a horrified awe, unable to believe their eyes, unable to look away, jaws gaping, heads shaking…
Heidi politely excuses herself before bursting into dramatic tears and running off.
Love it.
That’s what you get for being a dumb bitch... Duh.
I have to admit though, as the weeks go by and Heidi and Spencer lose the plot more and more – eg. Sitting in bars with strangers discussing aliens and crystals – it’s kind of mortifying to watch… like a car crash you just can’t turn away from…
Audrina sucks.
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BLEEDING ALL OVER FACEBOOK:
I’ve noticed more and more people lately caring less and less about what they put in their facebook status update for all too see.
Shit about arguing with their partners, or calling so-and-so scum fuckwits, etc.
…I so don’t wanna know about your bullshit. I don’t really like to be bombarded with personal shit from somebody’s life that I (more often than not) haven’t seen in years and aren’t privy to enough of their personality to be front-row in their vicious outbursts and attacks on others.
Almost as bad – but way less shocking and way more tedious – are the INANE CHATTER status updates.
My baby kept me up ‘til four in the morning, oh my god, I can’t wait for my husband to get home so I can have a nice cup of tea…
Oh my god… Fuck Off. I Don’t Care. I haven’t seen you since school finished, we didn’t talk much then, and we don’t talk now, why WOULD I care???
BIG. YAWN.
I guess I could always ‘hide’ those people from my list, but I’d rather they weren’t on it at all.
Hence the three-monthly LIST CULL, where I go through my list and get rid of those who shouldn’t be there but are for some reason.
Like sometimes, if I can’t remember who a person is, I’ll accept them, then look at their photos, and realise it’s that person from school I haven’t talked to in, oh, EVER, so then I cull them.
Lately I have been RE-requested by people I’ve culled before with messages saying “Weird, I thought we were ALREADY friends! Silly Facebook, must be one of those bung things it does occasionally”…
Yeah, that MUST be it…
Those people will be on my list ‘til the next round, then… LATER!
Love it.
Watch those numbers DROP.
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