9.
The other day I was sitting in a café. I do this once in a blue moon in Carterton. I don’t usually need coffee and muffins while I write, but on this day I’d decided I was due a treat.
As I sat writing my blog, a man in his mid forties – definitely a local – approached me and said “What are you doing there ay?”
“Umm… I’m writing.” Was my reply.
“Writing!” He exclaimed. “Don’t you have a job?”
Anyone who knows me knows this is not the sort of thing I let slide. But it is the sort of thing I let slide around these parts – explaining creative urges and artistry is kinda pointless.
But not this day. Who the fuck did this guy think he was. And did you just belittle WRITING???
“Fuck you.” Was the first thing out of my mouth. Followed by “What’s wrong with writing?”
To my surprise, the guy laughed, turned to his friend – one of the women who worked there – and said “Ha! I like this guy!”
“What do you write?” was his next question.
“Stuff and things.” I replied, not really wanting to give this dick any information about my life.
“Aw, true. Good on ya!” he said, giving me a completely genuine thumbs up and returning to his seat.
Why thank you, random stranger, for your validation…
The other day I was sitting in a café. I do this once in a blue moon in Carterton. I don’t usually need coffee and muffins while I write, but on this day I’d decided I was due a treat.
As I sat writing my blog, a man in his mid forties – definitely a local – approached me and said “What are you doing there ay?”
“Umm… I’m writing.” Was my reply.
“Writing!” He exclaimed. “Don’t you have a job?”
Anyone who knows me knows this is not the sort of thing I let slide. But it is the sort of thing I let slide around these parts – explaining creative urges and artistry is kinda pointless.
But not this day. Who the fuck did this guy think he was. And did you just belittle WRITING???
“Fuck you.” Was the first thing out of my mouth. Followed by “What’s wrong with writing?”
To my surprise, the guy laughed, turned to his friend – one of the women who worked there – and said “Ha! I like this guy!”
“What do you write?” was his next question.
“Stuff and things.” I replied, not really wanting to give this dick any information about my life.
“Aw, true. Good on ya!” he said, giving me a completely genuine thumbs up and returning to his seat.
Why thank you, random stranger, for your validation…
.
AVATAR: THE LEGEND OF ANG:
My new favourite cartoon series, although probably best left for DVD. An epic story involving the fulfilling of one’s destiny. Plus wicked character development too. Like seven seasons of Buffy packed into one. Very cool. Watch it.
My new favourite cartoon series, although probably best left for DVD. An epic story involving the fulfilling of one’s destiny. Plus wicked character development too. Like seven seasons of Buffy packed into one. Very cool. Watch it.
.
BRITNEY:
HA! What a lovely slut.
Her new song is called ‘3’. It’s about threesomes…
“1, 2, 3,
Peter, Paul and Mary…”
Hot though.
HA! What a lovely slut.
Her new song is called ‘3’. It’s about threesomes…
“1, 2, 3,
Peter, Paul and Mary…”
Hot though.
.
BEYONCE AND LADY GAGA’S ‘VIDEO PHONE’:
What a pair of lovelies…
And Beyonce’s not bad either.
What a pair of lovelies…
And Beyonce’s not bad either.
.
MY COUSIN HAS GOTTEN THE REGIONS’ BIKE PREGNANT:
This is the latest drama to inhabit our lives…
I’m not very impressed with my cousin. The “woman” he has ALLEGEDLY impregnated is… barely human.
I’m not usually so rude about people (pfft) but My God. Seriously, I had to consciously stop my jaw from dropping when I met her. It’s like a pig got up and started walking and talking. And didn’t bother showering. EVER IN HER LIFE. And has had a litter of babies, ALL of them taken away by CYPS – three of them, I kid you not. And gives blowjobs for tinnies. And has fucked half of the Wairarapa. Which means there’s some pretty fuckin’ desperate cunts round here cause how you get a hard on for THAT is beyond me.
And I’m not joking about one word of this, boys and girls.
The pig is simply the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on.
Worse, even, than the obese Samoan pre-op transvestite I pity-fucked way back when.
Waaaaaaaaaay worse.
And she has the personality to fit. She really isn’t all there.
Anyway, she reckons she’s pregnant to my cousin. Everybody’s first reaction is:
“Oh god… No no no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…”
The second thing they say is:
“How does she know it’s his???”
Which is exactly right – she doesn’t. My thoughts are she wants it to be him because she knows he wants kids. He’s the only one of her Fucks that might actually give a shit.
So, the only thing to do now is wait. Wait to see if she’s actually pregnant – mental note: tell my cousin to stop fucking her IMMEDIATELY so he can’t get her pregnant in the meantime if she’s not – and then when she has this mutant baby, get it DNA tested.
If it’s his, then sweet. His whanau will take that baby off her and raise it and love it as one of their own, which it is.
But if it ain’t, then she can fuck right off.
I really don’t want this bitch as part of my family, let alone the mother of any of my relatives.
Or the mother of my dead Uncle’s grandchildren, for that matter.
UGH. YUCK.
This is the latest drama to inhabit our lives…
I’m not very impressed with my cousin. The “woman” he has ALLEGEDLY impregnated is… barely human.
I’m not usually so rude about people (pfft) but My God. Seriously, I had to consciously stop my jaw from dropping when I met her. It’s like a pig got up and started walking and talking. And didn’t bother showering. EVER IN HER LIFE. And has had a litter of babies, ALL of them taken away by CYPS – three of them, I kid you not. And gives blowjobs for tinnies. And has fucked half of the Wairarapa. Which means there’s some pretty fuckin’ desperate cunts round here cause how you get a hard on for THAT is beyond me.
And I’m not joking about one word of this, boys and girls.
The pig is simply the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on.
Worse, even, than the obese Samoan pre-op transvestite I pity-fucked way back when.
Waaaaaaaaaay worse.
And she has the personality to fit. She really isn’t all there.
Anyway, she reckons she’s pregnant to my cousin. Everybody’s first reaction is:
“Oh god… No no no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…”
The second thing they say is:
“How does she know it’s his???”
Which is exactly right – she doesn’t. My thoughts are she wants it to be him because she knows he wants kids. He’s the only one of her Fucks that might actually give a shit.
So, the only thing to do now is wait. Wait to see if she’s actually pregnant – mental note: tell my cousin to stop fucking her IMMEDIATELY so he can’t get her pregnant in the meantime if she’s not – and then when she has this mutant baby, get it DNA tested.
If it’s his, then sweet. His whanau will take that baby off her and raise it and love it as one of their own, which it is.
But if it ain’t, then she can fuck right off.
I really don’t want this bitch as part of my family, let alone the mother of any of my relatives.
Or the mother of my dead Uncle’s grandchildren, for that matter.
UGH. YUCK.
.
THINGS I CURRENTLY HATE:
1. Aforementioned beast-pig.
2. Fat Freddy’s Drop – So over them. And so Not looking forward to a summer of their music bashed to death again. Ugh.
3. Twilight Mania – OVER IT. Robert Pattinson’s not even hot. Taylor Lautner on the other hand…
As my friend hilariously said:
“Twilight: New Moon. The story of a young woman’s choice to practice either beastiality or necrophilia.”
4. Paramore – UGH. HATE. Annoying, untalented, Music Crime.
5. The News. As you may or may not have noticed, I have not been commenting on politics or news lately. So over it. I accidentally watched a few minutes of Parliament TV the other day… It’s like someone stuck a camera in a kindergarten and dressed them up in suits then took their toys away. Which, by the way, seriously needs to happen.
TAKE THEIR TOYS AWAY AND LEAVE THEM WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT ACTUAL WORK.
6. Owl City’s “Fireflies” – Has anyone actually listened to the lyrics of this prissy shit??? GOD it annoys me. It sounds like it should have meaning or something, but it’s just NONSENSICAL RUBBISH!!! SERIOUSLY! It’s like it’s trying to be soulful, but is a song about describing objects in a room… UGH! THUMBS WAY DOWN.
7. Being lovesick. What a crock. Who the Fuck came up with this shit anyway…
1. Aforementioned beast-pig.
2. Fat Freddy’s Drop – So over them. And so Not looking forward to a summer of their music bashed to death again. Ugh.
3. Twilight Mania – OVER IT. Robert Pattinson’s not even hot. Taylor Lautner on the other hand…
As my friend hilariously said:
“Twilight: New Moon. The story of a young woman’s choice to practice either beastiality or necrophilia.”
4. Paramore – UGH. HATE. Annoying, untalented, Music Crime.
5. The News. As you may or may not have noticed, I have not been commenting on politics or news lately. So over it. I accidentally watched a few minutes of Parliament TV the other day… It’s like someone stuck a camera in a kindergarten and dressed them up in suits then took their toys away. Which, by the way, seriously needs to happen.
TAKE THEIR TOYS AWAY AND LEAVE THEM WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT ACTUAL WORK.
6. Owl City’s “Fireflies” – Has anyone actually listened to the lyrics of this prissy shit??? GOD it annoys me. It sounds like it should have meaning or something, but it’s just NONSENSICAL RUBBISH!!! SERIOUSLY! It’s like it’s trying to be soulful, but is a song about describing objects in a room… UGH! THUMBS WAY DOWN.
7. Being lovesick. What a crock. Who the Fuck came up with this shit anyway…
I plan to function perfectly well Alone (with a well stocked cupboard of great friends and whanau) for the rest of my life. Leave this love shit to all you other suckers.
.
SIDENOTE:
I came to the library, and couldn’t help but browse the newspaper.
Two pages in and I already wish I hadn’t.
Hellooooooo… Does nobody see anything wrong with:
“Wellington High School’s agriculture and horticulture class has produced more than
100 bottles of wine this year. And they have passed the all important taste test – getting the thumbs-up from a wine expert… The wines are also proving popular with the pupils’ parents.”
End quote.
Wow. I hope they are also being taught important drinking culture conducts too. Like ‘Tactical Spewing’, and ‘How To Score Drunk Chicks’…
I came to the library, and couldn’t help but browse the newspaper.
Two pages in and I already wish I hadn’t.
Hellooooooo… Does nobody see anything wrong with:
“Wellington High School’s agriculture and horticulture class has produced more than
100 bottles of wine this year. And they have passed the all important taste test – getting the thumbs-up from a wine expert… The wines are also proving popular with the pupils’ parents.”
End quote.
Wow. I hope they are also being taught important drinking culture conducts too. Like ‘Tactical Spewing’, and ‘How To Score Drunk Chicks’…
.
THINGS I CURRENTLY LOVE:
1. Summer arriving. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah… Good parties, good friends, good food... Good times. Summer and all that it encumbers.
2. Having my lawns freshly mown. Yep. I said it. Domesticated, I know.
3. Dizzee Rascal’s “Holiday”. Lovin’ it.
4. Seeing episodes of South Park I haven’t seen before. Sweeeeeeet.
5. Drinkin vodka, tonics and limes. Mmmmm.
6. Music videos in the morning. Like coffee, only much, Much better.
7. Fruit toast. Num num.
1. Summer arriving. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah… Good parties, good friends, good food... Good times. Summer and all that it encumbers.
2. Having my lawns freshly mown. Yep. I said it. Domesticated, I know.
3. Dizzee Rascal’s “Holiday”. Lovin’ it.
4. Seeing episodes of South Park I haven’t seen before. Sweeeeeeet.
5. Drinkin vodka, tonics and limes. Mmmmm.
6. Music videos in the morning. Like coffee, only much, Much better.
7. Fruit toast. Num num.
OMG!! Totally love Avatar the Airbender too... Although the movie will be crap cos it's directed by M Kight Shyalamdmalalmdanaan.
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